How to Save Marriage-Babar R. Chaudhry

How to Save Marriage-Babar R. Chaudhry

“Once upon a time…” begins the story for all marriages but not all end with “happily ever after.” The guide on how to save a marriage by Babar R. Chaudhry can give you happily ever after. In the past decade, the divorce rate has been rising steadily.

When our relationship goes well, we assume divorce will never happen. However, no one enters a marriage expecting a divorce. Hence, this blog is for those happy or not-so-happy married couples. Remember, we have no control over the future so how to save marriage starts from today.

What is Marriage?

For centuries, people from varying cultural and religious backgrounds practise the tradition of “marriage”. Marriage is a commitment between a man and woman to live in a spousal relationship. Marriage and divorce are two basics of our family system.

Therefore, there are authors, divorce lawyers and marriage consultants who discuss how to save marriage. Despite these efforts, divorce is very common in North America.

How to Save Marriage in Islam 

Islam teaches the best way on how to save marriage. In Islam, marriage is not just a signed piece of paper. Marriage is a sacred commitment to fulfill one’s obligations in the spousal relationship. All the sections of the contract, should be honored by words and actions.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), demonstrated how to save marriage. As a part of Sunnah, people get married. Nevertheless, the greatest Sunnah he (PBUH) showed is on how to save marriage.

Furthermore, marriage in Islam is comprehensively discussed in the Aagahi Talk Show Series “Importance of Family & Relationships” on the channel of Arrahman-Arraheem Facebook.

The Quran on How to Save Marriage 

We have been given a beautiful letter, the Quran, by Allah (SWT) that gives us good news and warnings. The Quran encourages Muslims to get married to start a new and happy life. The purpose of marriage is beautifully explained in the following ayat:

Chapter Al-Rom Verse 21:
“And of His (SWT) verses is that He (SWT) created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He (SWT) placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. ”

Purpose of Your Marriage

First and foremost, why did you choose to get married? By asking yourself this question you will realize the mistakes in your relationship. Consequently, have an open dialogue with your partner on why and how to save marriage.

Ideally, Muslims should choose a spouse based on their character. This is proven in the statement of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who said:

“One of the four reasons why people get married:

1) Beauty

2) Wealth

3) Family Ties

4) Religion

When you get married, choose the last option (i.e. choose a practising Muslim).”

For starters, visit the website www.arrahman-arraheem.com to learn about how to become a practising Muslim. Certainly, your spouse will notice the positive changes and be inspired.

Why Divorce?

Divorce often happens when the basic foundations of marriage are insecure. As Brother Babar Chaudhry says that the foundation of husband wife relationship is based on four aspects :

·       love

·       trust

·       comfort

·       sacrifice

Hence, if any of these are not met, your marriage can be in jeopardy. The majority of couples lack in patience and thankfulness. They do not give importance to respecting one another and following the commandments of Allah (SWT).

Other contemporary issues include growing incompatibility, workload, stress, financial issues and lack of trust. Therefore, identify your spousal problems to know how to save marriage.

Dos & Don’ts on How to Save a Marriage

Babar Chaudhry says, “The relationship of a married couple should be of love and mercy for each other as this relationship is very fragile.”

Today, the divorce rate is increasing because majority of married couples are not following the commandments of Allah and His Messenger (PBUH). A couple should know how to save marriage with the help of Islamic teachings. The answer is in some points which are discussed below:

1) Show Respect

Respecting each other rights, thoughts, families, boundaries is very important. Every action has an equal reaction. Thus, how to save marriage starts when you show empathy for others.

2)Obey Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (PBUH)

Most importantly in how to save marriage is that the Muslim spouses should always help each other get closer to Allah (SWT). Build your relationship according to the commandments of Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (PBUH). Surely, following Islam is a path on how to save marriage.

Babar R. Chaudhry says that first you have a relationship with Allah (SWT) and then you have a relationship with your wife. In other words, you must be a good Muslim in order to have a successful married life.

To be a good Muslim, visit the website of www.arrahman-arraheem.com and watch the Sabr-e-Nafs lecture by Babar R. Chaudhry. I learned how to live in Islam (i.e. surrender to get peace) and now, I am blessed to share that peace with my spouse.

3) Be Thankful

Thanking Allah (SWT) for His (SWT) blessings is very important in how to save marriage. Muslim couples should always be grateful to each other and for Allah (SWT) blessings. They should enjoy what they have rather than what they don’t have.

Babar R. Chaudhry says, “Nowadays people use relations and love materialistic things. Although, we should use things and love our relations.” In addition, Allah (SWT) explains the benefit of being thankful.

In Chapter 14 Ibrahim (AS) Verse 7 of the Quran it says that if the people are thankful, Allah (SWT) will give them more favors. To conclude, be thankful for your spouse to experience happiness in your relationship.

4) Practice Your Role

In Islam, men and women have equal rights but different responsibilities. The primary role of the male is to earn money and manage the finances. Whereas, the woman’s role is to take care of the household, children, wealth and property.

For example, Babar Chaudhry says the wife is like a Queen who should be treated with respect and honor. The husband and wife are protectors of one another. No role is superior to the other since each role is equally important. Be thankful for what your spouse contributes to the family whether it be monetary or not.

5) Do Not Compare

In any relationship, do not compare what you have with others. I read a wonderful Hadith in the “O You Who Believe!” booklet published by Arrahman-Arraheem Network which taught me how to be thankful.

The Hadith (saying of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)) is narrated by Noman B. Basheer (RA) that once Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “Those who do not thank for little, would not be thankful for much. Also, those who are not thankful to mankind definitely cannot thank Allah (SWT).”

How to save marriage happens when you realize how special and important your partner is to you. As a result, you will want to spend time, energy and care to grow your relationship.

6) Do Not Argue/Fight

Fighting is never the solution to any problem. How to save marriage happens when you deal with issues in a calm manner. Without a doubt, no marriage is perfect but arguing will only make things worse.

People judge you with your words even if that is not truly how you feel in your heart. For that reason, Islam teaches us to speak with kindness, calm tone and speak to the point.

7) Communicate Effectively

How to save marriage starts from effective communication. Without communication, you will not understand your partner’s needs and concerns.

Consequently, there are misunderstandings and losing your partner’s trust. Always discuss about planning big decisions such as: having children, where to live, who to live with and financial investments.

8) Trust Your Spouse

Trust can make or break your relationship. Without trust, you will not know how to save marriage. For example, losing someone’s trust is like breaking a glass. You could try to repair it but it won’t be look like before.

Not everyone has the ability to forgive others’ faults so live up to your promises. Moreover, Allah (SWT) tells us in Chapter 49 Al-Hujrat Verse 12 to not be overly suspicious. Hence, respect your partner’s privacy and believe in their statements.

Final Decision

Some couples might be making the choice of whether it’s better to stay in the marriage or divorce. Typically, this happens when the situation at home is terrible.

For instance, domestic abuse is a fitna. An abusive marriage is sometimes not worth saving unless the abusive partner repents. In this case victims must make their final decision.

Therefore, learn about how to save marriage before making a final decision. Allah (SWT) has given you two options on how to save marriage:

1)    Work Together to Save Your Marriage

How to save marriage starts from changing yourself. If you do not have the ability to change your spouse, at least change yourself. Above were the key points on changing yourself.  

Sooner or later, you should see a positive change in your relationship. If not, how to save marriage can happen when you seek support. Babar Chaudhry says that sometimes a mediator like your elders or a marriage counselor can help ease the tension between you and your spouse.

2)    Leave The Spouse with Kindness

You only consider how to save marriage when you want to live with your spouse. With absolute certainty, you should make your decision to get a divorce. After that, there should be no regrets.

Most divorces happen at times of anger, blackmailing, gossiping, cheating and other wrongful acts. However, Islam teaches us that if you want a divorce, do it with kindness.

Islam is a way of life which gives us permission to divorce based on genuine reasons. After the divorce, do not backbite, blackmail, gossip, cheat or threaten your spouse. At the end of the divorce, Islam gives freedom for you and your spouse to go their own way.